BACK BLOGGING!!! But on a different address.
http://www.justmeandarthere.blogspot.com

i lost my fuckin cellphone. grah!! this is crap!

on a sidenote… its a crappy phone. but the contacts are real and i still need it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ive been waiting a long time

for this moment to come,

im destined to put together this rhyme,

ive been wanting to say this,

my one single wish,

to have u in a bliss,

so please…

you are the one of a kind,

im here sharing a piece of my mind,

great friends are rather hard to find,

it seems to be a bad dream,

i saw the two faces of the little imp,

should i scream?

im all alone,

please, dont leave me here all on my own,

life changes a lot when especially you lose something/ someone important. it hits u hard, breaks u into pieces and left u there for all to bare. that is life, full of happiness but also full of shit. whichever and however u look at it. its been like that since ancient times, times of cleopatra and caesar and the likes.

well whatever, it still haunts me, everyday and everynight but it cant be undone. whats done is done and whats worse than one is none. friends we are but, no longer do we share the chemistry. this is just a tiny bit of what life and friends and the people around could do to us when u least expects it. im still hoping to reconcile. im still keeping that hope alive.

peace.

Never in my life had i found so much joy towards life. twenty two years of no direction. and nine months back, and everything fades to black. the anger, the anguish, the sadness, the disappointment. Never had i pretended to be a friend. Life throws you a curveball when u least expected it. And hell it does. I regretted a lot. I regretted even crying trying to save this friendship. My fault in life? trying making others shine like the sun, prefering to be in the shadow. Oblivious to the world, sincerity is obviously a sin. Definately not one to think, fickle minded and trying to soar high above the sky, poison ran thru my veins, clipping my wings and i crashed hard to the dirt below.

Think. Why was I there. Its fuckin coz i wanted to. I did not pretend that i care. Its becoz that i care that i was there. Why did i backtrack on my words. Ill be a villian if i told you no, and id lie to myself if i said yes. so fuck that.

I hate to reminise, but hell, seriously, do u even respect me? I prolly took you for granted, thinking ull be dere forever. especially after that vow. a vow that was broken. the promise shattered. Do u take me for granted? maybe you did. or maybe i wanted you to think like that. crooked minds? yea whatever. maybe im just too self centered. think too highly of myself.

Its me. Self centered. acting like a saint. blaming others in the process. hmm, why did i raise my voice then. becoz i tot u cld take it. coz i tot ure rude. coz ure my bestie and we are frank with each other. and partly of coz, u shouted at me everyday. i dunt like to disrespect girls. but that day, and the aftermath, is a self proclaim exception. Just for the record, im having problems at home as well. I thought i was helping. But then without knowing anything, headshot struck me. bang. dead as the world could be.

You. And stop saying its coz of him or watever. Not EVERYTHING IN LIFE involves him. NOT ESPECIALLY when its MY life. Do u ever piss me off? Hmm. yea, a couple of times, here and there, treated like dirt, do u notice that? nah of coz not. Ure younger than me, but hell ure definately like an elder sis to me. An elder sis for goodness sake. Why did this happened.. So many questions. So little answers. So little time to begin with.  Fuck assumptions. Assumptions cld be rite, cld be wrong. But when you assume things, we alwaes wanted it to be rite. Coz we fear the truth. Truth hurts. Ill admit, im fickle minded. But ill make a decision. We are better off separated for the time being. Problems onli arises when we are together. Besides, im shit anywae. Well, thanx for the nine months or so. i love it. I really believe well get back together and well be able to laugh at these matters in the future. But till that day, and if you really wants to be close friends again, ill gladly accpet you with open arms again, and in the process said welcome back. but.. don’tt hink itll be anytime soon.

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Two. two friendship gone in a matter of days. fuck the transit period. astrological my ass.

what IS the defination of love?

        Love is my mom and my dad married for 30plus years. Love is when I gave everything ive got without never asking anything in return. Love is when my dad hit the hell ut opf me tryingh to correct me. Love is fact nor fiction. Love is love. Love breaks all barriers. My friends are my family. THAT is LOVE. Love is when granpa and granny walking down the streetrs holding hands. Love is when u realise when theres no one to hold u tight, theres me. Love is when u make time to sacrifices. THAT IS LOVE.

its bullshyt la. im just there as a punching bag. doing so much but getting so little in return. my life, has alwaes been like that, being the nice guy, absorbing all the negative energies. i might explode but somehow, somehow i havent.

already im sinking into the quiksand, hands out, trying to struggle free. but to no avail, deeper into the blackness of the abyss. head spinning so wildly, i feel like a yo-yo doing the brain twister.

What have my life got entangled inbto this time. whats the grapevine of all this…..

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can’t replace
And now that I’m stronger I’ve figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I’ll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I’ll be the one

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you’re my, you’re my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don’t throw that away
Cuz I’m here for you
Please don’t walk away,
Please tell me you’ll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I’ll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

                                  >dont try to suck up to me after all that u fat bitch<

So, my 23rd birthday, is all but over. Things dosent seem to change, time still moves at a pace so fast it seems i couldnt hold my breath. Alot of things to do, alot of things to think about. I alwaes thought id die, my time would be up, when my life goes full circle. 01061984– the year i was born till 01062007– the present year. 23years of fuck life. Still being controlled by others, still being treated like dirt. Everyone and i mean EVERYONE.

My wish for my 23rd birthday includes–

1. a lil respect
2. celebrating with my best friend ( celeste)
3. have fun
4. to die

Yesternight life went a wee bit high as i lose control of myself, just for a moment life moves at my pace, the way i wanted it to be. Its a crackerjack. To die early means that i dont have to worry abouy this world anymore, i can rest in peace. But since nothing happens, guess ill still go all out to achieve what i want in this world.

Love. Thats something ive alwaes wanted, but something i couldnt get.

Success. Tryin hard, but from the results that ive been gettin, my drawing is far from the best. Ive got alot to catch up, its bearin on my toll. While the rest have been movin forward, me im stuck in the quicksand, sinking.

I dont need materialistic things.

To mom- love u alwaes, Dad, i dunt like u, but im tryin hard. Nuriyah, Nadhir, Firdaus- success dosent come easy, Dunt be like me and waste the oppurtunities that come ur way. Love u guys loads, even if i havent been the role model a brother should be. Celeste, im glad i decided to work at luge once again, thats where i found u, my best friend. Sharon, Ill keep on loving you even if u dunt show me any feelings.

Ive been thinking, after i get my diploma, Should i, should i not leave Singapore to further enhance my studies. Maybe not be taking arts, but more likely business studies. Its gonna be awhile more, but already thinkin about this is stressing me. For one, leaving my family. And more importantly my best friend, alwaes there when i need her. Drifting apart will be incorrigible.

>GUYS THANK YOU<

                                     my life is like a rubix cube…