random darkness
Just another random suicidesArchive for psychotic thoughts.
5sec outburst- anger
Ok, now, I don’t get angry often. But when I do, thats it. It may last like what, 5secs? yea. Just like today. What happened u ask? well, apparently, someone decided to put personal feelings ahead of work. Which is why I blew my head off. Well actually thats only the tip of the iceberg. Had to laugh it off cause figured taht it wouldnt be good for the working environment if a fight had a occured. I was ready to give him one frightful punch back then. I think both of them were shocked by my outburst. Well who knows.
But seriously, don’t put personal stuff ahead of ur work, gee. When its time to work, then its obvious that work comes first and not doing it cause ure apparently in love with someone or smt or what. I hate these kinda peeps. Maybe its cause they still havent really matured yet. Might be. But after that, I had him on my ignoed list for most of the time. Didnt really give a damn toohoot of whats happening around him. Pisses me off. Oh well, Tommorrow’s another day altogether.
MY WORTH
WHAT THE FUCK?! Just as I thought I had landed a job, another stupid incident have to happened. Fuckin Lindon prolly throws away my resignation letter. What he have said to Bruce have tarnished my image really bad. It’s really gonna be hard for me now. I’ve like got a month to prove my worth here. Lindon DEFINATELY dose’nt like me working there. I mean he’s obviously trying to get Bruce to fire me and bla bla bla. This is pissing me off. Coz of this incident Rab had to suck Bruce dick to get me reinstated. I mean, will it be awkward now? I hope not. Coz I love working here, guys are funny, girls are prety and I get along very well with them. Indeed.
My weakness:-
- not outgoing enough. BAH! WHAT THE FUCK?!
- Dose’nt smile. The theory is if u smile, guests will return them back, hence enjoying their stay here.
FUCK THAT MAN! I know the importance of communicating with the guests alrite. You don’t have to tell me. And ive always makes the guests to smile back. So dose’nt that makes me smile alot and being outgoing and all?? Geez Louis man… SIgh.
It’s gonna be difficult la like this. Spotlights gonna be on me from today onwards. Blardy Cockenardens.. But! BUT! BUTTTTT!! I’ll bounce back greater than ever. I’ll be the best that theyre gonna regret what they’ve done to incur my wrath! Nah kiddin. But i’ll be the best operator there is! AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Nation 41st
I seriously realised something when i watched the nation 41st Birthday on TV, I’m definately a patriotic dude. Dosen’t matter how much i try to defy that logic. Coz in the end I still am. Like, for example, when in the army I keep on saying I’m lazy and can’t be bothered with training and all. But deep down, I keep on trying and trying and doing my best on all the missions. Thats not just disipline. Thats patriotism. Defending MY country. I guess I really love Singapore. Its really a place where I could really call home. Sounds corny and fake, yea I know. But its not. I’ve been to other countries and all and I have to say, Im blessed to be here living in the heartlands of the sunny island Singapore. There are certain things that i don’t like though.
Say, racism. This is what is going on in Singapore. This is what I’ve heard. Singapore malays are’nt allowed to be a commando. Or a navy. Let’s not even go to the details of becomin a fighter pilot. Why? Well thats because, our neighbours are malays unified – Malaysia, Indonesia? I don’t really know. Because if that really IS the case, then I guess they did’nt really count Hongkong, Taiwan and possible China and not forgetting India as our neighbours. Because as I see it, this here is OUR Home, OUR Singapore. Everyone wants to defend their own country. Don’t forget that. And me? Yea. I take back what ever I’ve said about running away when there is war. Coz that just ain’t gonna happen. I’ll fight to protect my land. Patriotic are’nt I?
don’t fuck around
don’t fucking attitude me. what the fuck is up with everyone giving me the cold shoulders eh? huh?!huh?!geez. motherfuckers cocksuckers. to the supervisor at wild wild wet, “shorty” fuck off grrl. why the fuck are u calling me to come back? im sure theres a whole lot more people wos werking rite? rite??!! apparently not though. but of course. with the way the management handles staffs, and given the low pay, obviously there WILL be people like me. ive said again and again, that i will be returning soon, so dont make it any harder, you piece of dumb dogshit. this just the kinda thing that makes me quit jobs. are all management LIKE this? geez. FUCK OFF!
give me some space will ya? i see a whole lot of people not werking for months and yet, you called me?! you begged bugged me?! oh man, oh man oh man..seriously im gonna get a new job.there is certainly no motherfucking way am i gonna continue werking there.
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places id really like to work would be :
- artzero prodarktion [well i would want to be my own boss.so fuck off to all who thinks i can't make it coz im malay]
- sneakers customizer [well, actually thats the same as the point mentioned above]
- sentosa luge [again. well yea.. don;t give me taht look.fuck off]
- anywhere else where the pay is good and the management dosn’t tick me off. [yea, i doubt theres any though.but if there is --hook me up.]
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so yea, thats about it. if you dont like what ive said here, then please, press on the lil red cross thats on your fuckin browser. please kindly fuck off.
thank you.
retarded kicks.
grah. fuck. my custom converse kicks. what have i done??!! it looks way way retarded. way too messy. im gonna have to knock my head on the floor and restart from the ground up. what the hell. what the fuck. fuck the what. sigh.
tiredness.
im tired. really. doing OT evryday day of the week sure has taken its toll on me. takin a break from all those for a lil' while and maybe concentrate on something else.like world cup. or converse shoe design comp. whichever. can't wait for teh june hols to be over and done with. so that those little freakin devils would get back to school and work will be peaceful once again.
oh well.
tried. and i tried.
i just blog about this a few days back. but i think i ll blog about this yet again.why? cause it seems like each and everyone that i know of is having trouble dealing with their own problems. it saddens me things turn out this way.things which should never meant to be. families.friends.relationships. it seems difficult for them to let go. im alwaes there to provide a listening ear but tahst all i could do. im poor in giving advices. im dumb about this kinda stuff. if anything were to happened to me i'd probably juz let it go without ever giving a second thought.im that kinda person. hate to be in a troublesome position. but i also hate to see my friends getting hurt by someone dear to them. i can't really take this anymore. goin insane listening to their problems. its driving me nuts. cause theres so much i wanna do for them but im so powerless. sometimes i feel like im a failure as a friend. i alwaes choos my friends carefully. and tahts why i dun't really have much friends. the people i know, most of them are just acquaintances. friends are hard to come by. those that stood by me are all that i have.
fuck.
needs to calm down.
fuck.
not interested.
having a relationship is prolly the most troublesome thing. not only u have to watch what u sayin but also u have to take good care of ur partner or risk receiving their wrath. im not good in these stuff. im actually bad dealing with people. theres a side of me no one knows. and i prolly won't be telling anyone about it .
all that being said, my ex actually asked me to patch up with her. which i rejected her by the way cause of the insecurities in me. nice gerl and all. but unfortunately, unfortunately.well with me being the way i am rite now, dun't think ill be able to get any gf anytime soon. besides its too troublesome. until then, enjoying the single life.
i do get envious when i see couples on the street. wished i cld gunned em down. rite there, rite then. oops. psycho thots.
